In July and August, espnWs weekly essay series will focus on body image.Ive never felt so beautiful in my life. Women arent supposed to say such things.At 32, Im surprised to find myself divorced and childless. Though this is not at all how I imagined my life, I dont begrudge it. There is nothing I hate about myself. When I look in the mirror, Im satisfied with what I see, which some days feels like a miracle considering the world we live in. Even when I do doubt myself -- I refuse to slide into a vortex of self-criticism.I dont know how many times I have found myself among groups of women flagellating themselves about their physical appearance. ... I hate my thighs. My breasts are too small. I wish I had a bigger ass. I cant stand my crows feet. ... The self-criticism can get ruthless, and years ago I decided I would never participate in these kinds of pile ons.I didnt all of a sudden adopt Beyoncés Flawless as my anthem. I didnt one day get up and decide to become the subject of a sappy Dove commercial. The self-love took years of focused, and painstaking, effort. The relationship I have with both my body and my mind has gone through a transformational shift in the past few years. Ive always loved being a woman, but Ive just now begun to embrace my femaleness with a sense of exuberance.Last year I discovered that I love to run. My fondness of running came as a surprise to me because I hated sports as a child; I was so uncoordinated that kids would groan when I was placed on their teams in gym class. I felt awkward, ugly because of my growing breasts, and embarrassed of my chubby body and clumsiness.I saw running as a chore, a way to counteract my love of burgers and beer and maintain my weight. As I was recovering from a horrific bout of depression, however, I increased my distance, and running became a salve for me. Running was part of the cocktail to treat my mental illness -- therapy, Prozac and my Buddhist practice. After my separation from my husband last winter, it became even more cathartic. I began to enjoy the feeling of exhaustion, the breathlessness.For that hour, I was disconnected from all forms of communication and felt fused with my environment. Running was a meditative experience and I was flooded with creativity. The solitude allowed my mind to make leaps that it hadnt made before. I gave myself pep talks on my runs. You are a bad-ass bitch, I would say to myself. You can do anything. Love yourself, you dummy! It was hokey, but it worked. I pushed myself in ways that were unfamiliar to me. I was running for five-mile stretches several times a week. The ache of my muscles afterward was satisfying because it reminded me of what my body had done.The exercise boosted my endorphins as well as my confidence. My back became firm, my posture improved, my ass was well-sculpted, and my stumpy little legs were now tight and powerful. Not only that, I had more energy and my clothes fit me like a goddamn dream.It wasnt until I began to run more seriously that I realized what I was missing. There is a sense of liberation that comes from running through the city. Not only does it exhilarate my body, dodging traffic and jumping over broken glass and dead rats makes me feel like a tough broad. I find the solitude fortifying.It was inevitable that this feeling of transcendence manifested in other realms of my life. Older women always tell me how wonderful their 30s were in contrast to their 20s. This is the time when you finally figure yourself out and grow into your own. Well, theyre right. I spent my younger years clawing my way up in my career, feeling insecure about my body, and letting men treat me like garbage. Now that Im a grown woman, I like who I am. I know exactly what I want and what I deserve.As I have become more self-assured and in-tune with my body, Ive entered what feels like a sexual awakening, which I suppose is not surprising. They say that women reach their sexual peak in their 30s because this is when we feel most comfortable with our bodies and sexuality.In fact, a study found that women feel their sexiest at 34. An article published in 2010 in the journal of Personality and Individual Differences also found that women aged 27 through 45 are significantly more sexual than younger women. This particular study posited that the increase in sex drive is biological -- women become more sexually active as their fertility begins to drop. Whatever the reason may be, its real and my desire to have children has followed, a feeling so intense that the other day I saw a beautiful pregnant woman walking down the street and sobbed. My tears were both startling and embarrassing. Part of me felt betrayed by the body I had worked so hard to strengthen and love.I feel like Im brimming with possibilities at this moment in my life. And as Ive reached this precipice -- spiritually, emotionally, and physically -- I find myself single. I cant decide if this is ironic because I know Im definitely not the only one experiencing this. Im surrounded by beautiful and accomplished women who are similarly alone. Are we frightening? I often wonder. Is our power perceived as emasculating in a world built on male fragility?Dont get me wrong. In no way do I find our lives tragic or sad. The women I know are fierce as hell. And despite the incertitude I feel about myself at times, I know that Im flourishing, that Im a complex and complete woman.I feel sorry for those who are incapable of sharing this abundance.Erika L. Sánchez is a poet, essayist and fiction writer. She is the author of Lessons on Expulsion (Graywolf 2017) and Brown Girl Problems (Knopf 2017). Her nonfiction has appeared in Al Jazeera, The Guardian, Rolling Stone and many other publications. She has received a CantoMundo Fellowship, a Discovery/Boston Review Poetry Prize, and a Ruth Lilly and Dorothy Sargent Rosenberg Poetry Fellowship from the Poetry Foundation. Cheap Chiefs Jerseys . - Goaltender Philippe Desrosiers of the Rimouski Oceanic has broken a shutout record that was only three months old in the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League. Cheap Chiefs Jerseys Authentic . Their experience showed Tuesday as the No. 10 Badgers blunted a Saint Louis surge to win 63-57 and advance to face West Virginia in Wednesdays finals of the Cancun Challenge. http://www.cheapchiefsjerseyselite.com/ . The CFLs leading rusher kept adding to his gaudy numbers this season and scored the winning touchdown with just over two minutes to play. 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FRANKFURT, Germany -- Schalke has gone from a historically cold start to one of the hottest teams in the Bundesliga in a matter of a few weeks.The season could not have gotten off worse for Schalke, which lost its first five league games -- a club record nobody wanted.Since then, however, Schalke has won five straight in all competitions as it heads into one of the biggest matches of the season in Germany against Borussia Dortmund.The Revier Derby, named after the coalmining Ruhr region, is the most anticipated match in the area no matter which positions in the standings the two teams happen to be sitting on.The coal mines are all but gone, but the passion of the derby lives on unabated.For many fans, victory in the derby is the only thing that matters in a season.Not so for Schalke coach Markus Weinzierl, who will be making his derby debut.I think more of long-term development. Its about improvement and the trend is positive, Weinzierl said ahead of Saturdays match in Dortmund. We are still trying to rebound from the bad start. We havent achieved anything.Schalke has a large, committed following, but the team is one of the notorious underachievers in the Bundesliga.It has not won a championship since 1958 -- five years before the Bundesliga was established.It went into this season with high hopes, which still might materialize. Borussia Moenchengladbach lost its first five games last season and still managed to qualify for thee Champions League, which is Schalkes goal.ddddddddddddThe club lured Weinzierl, one of Germanys most sought-after young coaches, and revamped the team in a major spending spree.It takes time to get the team to understand what we want as coaches and to use its strength, Weinzierl said. New players came into the squad relatively late. I had to get to know the players.Of the new arrivals, defender Coke, still has not played after injuring his knee before the season. Forward Breel Embolo had his ankle broken in a tackle just as he was beginning to show his potential.While new players largely sat out the first few games, they are now beginning to make their mark. Naldo, Abdul Rahman Baba and Nabil Bentaleb are usually in the starting 11. Yevhen Konoplyanka scored two goals in Schalkes 3-2 German Cup win over Nuremberg and one in the Europa League at Krasnodar.Bentaleb, on loan from Tottenham, also scored three goals in his last two matches.While Schalke seems to be reviving its season, Dortmund is going through a mini slum, winless in its last three Bundesliga matches. Coach Thomas Tuchel has been forced to use several untested young players because of a slew of injuries hitting his team.The match will raise a lot of emotion and it will be decided by details. Experience could play a role, Weinzierl said. 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